What is it like to be in love with more than one person at a time? Is monogamy natural, as authors likeHelen Fisherhave argued, or an outmoded cultural artifact, as claimed by authors likeChristopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá? On this week's philosophy talk, we discuss polyamory with writer and philosophy professor Carrie Jenkins.

在我看来，试图确定某件事是由于自然因素还是文化因素是徒劳的;当然，任何像建立一段浪漫关系这样复杂的人类努力都有自然和文化的成分。理解多角恋的一个更好的方法是批判性地看待一夫一妻制的默认假设。

Although lifelong fidelity to a single partner remains a cultural ideal, few people live up to it; for example, one in five Americans surveyed ina 2015 YouGov poll承认对伴侣不忠。即使抛开不正当的风流韵事不谈，有些人自称一夫一妻制的唯一方法就是拥有一系列的伴侣，一个接一个。

Furthermore,there is widespread disagreement about what the rules of monogamy require. Is it cheating to send flirty text messages to someone other than your partner? What about kissing, going to a strip club, or reaching out to an ex on Facebook? And what about deep emotional connections that don't include physical sexual activity?

Author Amy Gahran sees monogamy as part of a larger set of unspoken expectations that she calls theRelationship Escalator:在一段早期的求爱期之后，你和你的伴侣将自己定义为一对，在性和浪漫上彼此排斥，承诺成为对方的首要任务，合并家庭和财务，结婚，生孩子，直到死亡将你们分开。虽然符合这一模式的关系可能是美好的，但不检查其基本假设也会导致许多不必要的痛苦。如果你决定有两个伴侣或没有伴侣会让你最幸福，会发生什么?你需要的引导是自动扶梯无法提供的。

Polyamory is not a panacea. Having multiple partners is not enough to destroy sexism and heteronormativity, as even a cursory glance polygynous cult leaders will show.Intimate partner abusehappens in polyamorous relationships, as well as monogamous ones, and polyamorists can easilyrecapitulate existing social hierarchies. Some pathologies are specific to polyamory, such as the tendency of someunicorn hunters, or couples who seek out a third party to join in their sexual adventures, to treat their additional partner as disposable.

幸运的是，互联网上有很多有用的信息和指导。More Than Twooffers advice on topics like communication, jealousy, and time management, as well as arelationship bill of rights.Poly Role Models提供有用的案例研究的多样化纲要，每周更新。The YouTube seriesCompersionis mostly a what-not-to-do manual, but it lets you learn from others' mistakes, and makes for entertaining TV. Podcasts likePolyamory Weeklydiscuss real-world problems from a polyamorous perspective.

Relationships are tricky, and monogamy and polyamory both present distinctive challenges. With any style of relationship, communication and critical reflection are key; the unexamined love life is not worth love-living! I'm looking forward to more critical conversations with Carrie and Ken, and hopefully with you, this week when we discuss polyamory.