约翰说，无条件的爱既难得又难。但是，肯问道，父母的爱呢?还是爱情?当无条件的爱发生时，那是一件美好的事情!我们都希望有一个人会随着时间的流逝而爱我们。但是永恒的爱不是和无条件的爱不同吗?约翰问道。肯说，无条件的爱是爱的最高形式——大多数宗教也认识到这一点，因此他们把人类无条件的爱归于上帝。约翰说，如果上帝存在，那么无条件的爱对他/她来说很容易，因为他/她有无限的耐心和宽恕的能力。但人类不是这样的。我们受到伤害。 We get disappointed. And these two facts can kill even the seemingly most enduring love. Well, sustaining unconditional love is surely a difficult thing, admits Ken. But being the recipient of such love is undeniably a good thing. John is not so sure of this. People want to be loved for who they are and what they do! But just because you love somebody unconditionally doesn’t mean you don’t care about these factors, argues Ken. When you love unconditionally, you want people to be their best self. But, says John, what about bad behavior that goes unspoken, say, with domestic abuse and the often-occurring inability to let go of an abusive partner? That would be self-destructive love, replies Ken. So is unconditional love equivalent to selfless love for Ken? If so, the self gets in the way for most people; Ken disagrees with John’s realism, and the duo continue their lovely conversation.

John and Ken welcome guest Lynn Underwood, Professor of Biomedical Humanities at Hiram College, Vice President at the Fetzer Institute, and co-editor ofThe Science of Compassionate LoveandAltruism and Altruistic Love. John asks Lynn what the most surprising thing she has found about unconditional love in her research is. Lynn explains a study done on newlyweds to predict the longevity of the marriage. People were very aware of the failings of their spouse in the beginning stages of the study, and indeed longevity was predicted by combining this awareness of failings with the unconditional love they each felt. Ken brings up that parental love is often considered a form of selfless love, but even there, the child is connected to the parent, i.e. a reflection, to some extent, of the self. And in the example with the newlyweds, the reciprocity is one of the main factors sustaining the marriage. So are either of these types of love selfless? Lynn brings up adoption – why do people adopt? People care for children who they did not give birth to, which is probably quite a selfless thing to do.

林恩，约翰和肯欢迎观众的提问，他们继续讨论，解决问题，如:如何无条件shouldone love? Where does love for oneself lie along the spectrum of unconditional love, and how can we balance it with love for others? The conversation resumes. Lynn is asked about balancing care for the self with care for others – but what of cases like the loving reaction of a battered spouse towards her abuser? What are the limits of unconditional love in light of such situations? In cases like these, we wonder whether unconditional love – or is it ideal love? – is a good thing or whether it is deeply problematic. Lynn thinks unconditional love is, generally speaking, a good thing which can strengthen us and improve our quality of life. Problems happen when one is facilitating something which is not for the good of someone else.

• Roving Philosophical Reporter (Seek to 5:40):Philosophy Talk's Reporter Caitlin Esch explores some of the stories presented inFar From the Tree, the book by Andrew Solomon about the unconditional love accompanying children who are different, children who have autism, schizophrenia, or dwarfism.
• 60-Second Philosopher (Seek to 48:51):Ian Shoales speeds through the history of the love lives of philosophy’s greatest, from Socrates to Hannah Arendt.