What Is (This Thing Called) Love?

20 April 2012

Many of us have been in love, and there have been countless great poems and popular songs written about it. So you’d think we’d all know what it is. Yet a lot of what has been written points to a deep mystery. So—as Cole Porter famously asked—whatisthis thing called love?

爱经常被描绘成一种强大的力量,可以激发爱人的伟大之处。或者,它可以让情人表现得像个傻瓜。爱可能是世界上最美妙的感觉,但当它行不通时,它也可能是完全毁灭性的。有多少情歌真的是关于失恋的心碎?只要听几句,我们还能相爱就是个奇迹。

Given these observations, we might be inclined to think that there’s a significant element ofirrationalityto love. But we should be careful here, as perhaps love can havereasonstoo. For example, if you have a significant other, you could probably list off a bunch of reasons for your love: your partner is kind, intelligent, funny, and so on. If you loved someone who was mean, stupid, and boring, thatwouldbe irrational. But, presumably, many of us have great reasons for loving who we love, which shows that sometimes love is actually quite rational.

It would be wise to pause, though, to consider whether or not we ever actually loveforthe reasons we give. Perhaps the truth is that we first find ourselves in love, and then come up with reasons to justify our feelings. Just because we can provide reasons for feeling the way we do about a particular person, it doesn’t follow that we see reasons for loving first, and then develop feelings based on those reasons.

Think of it this way—falling in love because you’ve come up with a list of good reasons doesn’t sound very romantic. It sounds cold and calculating, not something we might even want to dignify with the label “love.” Moreover, it paints a picture that suggests we can rationally deliberate anddecidewho to love, but for most people, I’d bet that’s not how they actually experience love.

While this might not be how most people experience love, of course, it doesn’t follow that it’s not possible to fall in love for reasons. After all, what we consciously experience does not necessarily reveal the true underlying mechanisms at work. It would be surprising, for example, if the reasons you came up with for loving your significant other—the qualities that make this person so lovable—turned out to be completely irrelevant to your feelings.

Even if we don’t consciouslydecideto fall in love, it makes sense to think we respond to particular qualities we perceive in others, and we fall in lovebecauseof those qualities. That seems to suggest that love is at least potentially rational. However, we should also point out that even if we admit that love can havecauses, and that a person’s particular qualities can explainwhywe love that person, it doesn’t follow that love is thereforerational. An avalanche has causes too, and those causes explain why the avalanche happens, but that doesn’t make an avalancherational.

So there’s a lot to talk about on this week’s show. What exactly is love? Why do we love? Can we decide whom to love? Is love ever rational? Would we be better off without it?

Those are just some of the questions that come up when we’re talking aboutromanticlove. I haven’t even mentioned any other kinds of love. We can love our friends, our children, our community, even our country. We can also talk about loving more abstract things, like justice, beauty, or wisdom, which raises even more issues. Is there something that all of these different kinds of love have in common? And which kinds of love are most essential to a well-lived life?

Comments(24)


Guest's picture

Guest

Saturday, April 21, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

It may be difficult to

It may be difficult to surpass the words of wisdom of Bertrand Russell on this topic: "Love at its fullest is an indissoluble combination of the two elements, delight and well-wishing. The pleasure of a parent in a beautiful and successful child combines both elements; so does sex-love at its best. But in sex-love benevolence will only exist where there is secure possession, since otherwise jealousy will destroy it, while perhaps actually increasing the delight in contemplation. Delight without well-wishing may be cruel; well-wishing without delight easily tends to become cold and a little superior. A person who wishes to be loved wishes to be the object of a love containing both elements ... (What I Believe, 1925).

mirugai's picture

mirugai

Saturday, April 21, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

GIVING LOVE

GIVING LOVE
1. Love of, and by, a person is distinguished from all other uses of the word ?love.?
2. There is bestowing love, and receiving love.
3. The power of love is felt by everyone, except almost by definition, the sociopath.
How is it ?felt?? As an awareness of the wonderful-ness that we have the ability - the blessed gift ? to give our love to another. We can only bask in the warmth of another?s love of us, because we know what love is as an awareness of something we possess to give.
Note: Philosophers should not get caught up in taxonomies of consciousness: trying to define and quantify the concepts: emotions, feelings, beliefs, intentions. When our hosts say love has all these qualities, they are just showing the hopelessness of this kind of taxonomic inquiry. Another example is using love to include as objects: sex, flowers, music, exercise, pancakes, etc. ?Consciousness? is the only term we need; forget ?science?; now, get on with philosophizing.
Ken?s ?Marriage is a theater of commitment,? born of love, maybe, but which survives its absence, is a very good definition in these days when marriage needs a definition. Excellent, Ken; thank you.

Guest's picture

Guest

Saturday, April 21, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

“爱是恒久忍耐;love is

“爱是恒久忍耐;爱是有恩慈;爱不是嫉妒,不是自夸,不是傲慢,不是粗鲁。它不坚持自己的方式;它不急躁或怨恨;它不喜欢不义,只喜欢真理。凡事包容,凡事相信,凡事盼望,凡事忍耐。爱永不止息”(林前13:4-8)。
爱是无私地欣喜于他人的善良,而善良反映了真理。这个真理包含了他者存在的所有方面和方式。此外,它还寻求创造那份善,把它从任何阻碍它表现出来的事物中分离出来,并分享它;因此,爱情的终结是友谊或完全的慈善团体。爱不寻求互惠,而必须是一种给予的基本行为。然而,真正的爱,那种符合上述所有特点的爱,总是产生一种友谊,在这种友谊中,我们可以参与到生命的终极的善和真理中,也就是上帝,按照形而上学的说法,上帝是纯粹的给予生命的行为,是一切存在的第一原因。上帝是爱,本质上是存在的。这种爱总是理性的,因为它来自于一个理性的存在——人类。它既不单单属于理智,也不单单属于意志,而是意志与理智的统一,后者认识到善与真理,并指挥意志去追求欲望。从这个意义上说,我们通常会被美好和真实的事物所吸引,但我们也必须选择它们并采取行动。 But not all desires are love, nor is love simply a desire. This notion of love must be separated from lust, concupiscence, and lower forms of friendship (such as utility or circumstantial). True love is unconditional, rational, selfless, and romantic. True love is evoked because of the goodness and truth in being itself, which being is fundamentally an act (from biology to psychology) of self-giving (from cellular respiration to shared contemplation). True love is a participation in divine goodness and being.
The Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version. 1989 (1 Co 13:4?8). Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers.

MJA's picture

MJA

Sunday, April 22, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

Love is the energy of truth

Love is the energy of truth
Light
True Love
=

Harold G. Neuman's picture

Harold G. Neuman

Monday, April 23, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

Love is preservation of the

Love is preservation of the species. Any species. At any level of consciousness. It is, what?---elemental to survival? I think so, but greater minds have said so. Love may be, in some degree, an extended phenotype, and if so, would support Dawkins' notion(s) regarding such. But, on reflection, love---whatever it is---probably existed before any extended phenotypes ever manifested themselves. This may be another chicken/egg kind of argument---but no, I think not. Is love the energy of truth? Is it light? I cannot say. But it seems essential. We are, after all, still here... Hmmmmph.

Guest's picture

Guest

Wednesday, April 25, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

I have always subscribed to

I have always subscribed to the idea that 'Love is a Verb'. Where does action fit in with intention, emotion, and cognition?

robertcrosman@gmail.com's picture

robertcrosman@g...

Sunday, February 14, 2021 -- 12:20 PM

Intention, emotion, and

意图、情感和认知当然也像动词一样值得考虑:我们的意图、情感和了解,就像我们的爱一样积极。爱作为名词被定义为爱的一种状态或状态。我确实同意(如果Guest暗示的是这个的话),动词在重要性上是首要的,名词在动词之前是次要的。尽管如此,“verb”是一个名词,并且没有对应的动词:“to verb”是无意义的,“to verbalize”是名词的反形式。因此,“I verbalize”的意思是“我用语言表达”,而只有一些词是动词,因为要表达一个完整的思想,就需要更多的词性。所以“我爱”需要一个对象:“我爱斯蒂芬妮。”即使是不定式动词“爱”,也需要一个介词。总之,“爱是一个动词”是一种强调观点的方式,爱需要用行动来表达,这通常是正确的。或者说,这只是部分正确。事实上,爱既可以是动词,也可以是名词,有时甚至可以是形容词,比如“爱情药剂”。 However, to make it an adverb requires a suffix: "lovely."

Tim Smith's picture

Tim Smith

Tuesday, February 16, 2021 -- 7:46 PM

This is well done.

This is well done.

Two caveats...
爱可以是不及物的。
*Infinitives don't require prepositions in some languages.

The more I read and think about love the less I feel any two people agree to one definition or experience.

Guest's picture

Guest

Thursday, April 26, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

Very interesting comments.

Very interesting comments.
托马斯·s (Thomas S.)似乎成了圣保罗(St. Paul)译本严重受损的受害者(事实上,《新约》中出现的“爱”一词都指向一个误译,因为希腊人没有对应的词)。爱依赖于自私和无私之间的适当平衡。有人能诚实地说他们爱一个人却不希望得到回报吗?
The connection between love and light is intriguing. Love and sunlight are essential for life and happiness, yet neither exists (just as a pile of rocks does not exist without the rocks). Sunlight has no identifying wavelength or frequency of vibration; however, each of its components does. For example, each color of the rainbow has its own measurable properties (although, while I was still in high school, the physicists were disputing whether indigo, between the blue and violet, is a color in the rainbow).

Guest's picture

Guest

Thursday, April 26, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

Michael is a dreamer; a

Michael is a dreamer; a hopeless romantic, I'd venture...Neuman is a cynic; scientific in approach, but a cynic nonetheless. But all is well. Because the world fosters and encourages both, without so much as a twitch. And this is how it must be, I think, because we are all equal parts cynic and hopeless romantic. I am intrigued by Neuman's reference to Dawkins' extended phenotype notion. The whole concept of extended phenotype is fascinating, if not brilliant. Dawkins tends to elicit these sorts of reactions from thinking people. And just so, then---love is just what it is. We learn it. Continue to learn it, ergo, it must be important. Is it important, yea, crucial, to the survival of species? It would seem so. Why else would we make such an ado over an emotional response?
Why, indeed... Maybe it IS in our genes, and if so, well then, why not? How on Earth did this all happen? Well...

Guest's picture

Guest

Friday, April 27, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

As Mirugai has aptly pointed

As Mirugai has aptly pointed out, taxonomy has its place(s). Biology is a good one. Philosophy? Not so much. Neuman's assessment might be best, to date. Much research on beings human and those not appears to substantiate the need for love. Or attention. Or, at least, interest. Living species that have survived (discounting the more simple life forms, of course) have required some variant of 'attentiveness' in order to prosper and continue to reproduce. I have read Dawkins, Wilson, Diamond, SJ Gould and many others. They all have their particular attributes as scientists and investigators. And, they all have their particular biases. And, you know, that is how we are.

Guest's picture

Guest

Saturday, April 28, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

Let's not forget the poets;

Let's not forget the poets; Shelley, for instance:
"All love is sweet,
或返回。Common as light is love,
And its familiar voice wearies not ever ...."

Guest's picture

Guest

Tuesday, May 1, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

B4 i even read this post, let

B4 i even read this post, let me say this. Yesterday i found myself asking myself this question after a lady told me that she really loved her abusive boyfriend and he loved her too. I wondered what that word for her meant. I believe that love is just a word like "good" or "bad". to everyone, it holds a different meaning. The ironical thins about her statement is that she has only known the guy for 1year(they met here in campus). In my struggle to understand the meaning of love, i found myself reasoning that love is just a word chosen to try and simply state the connection that you have with someone. I theorize(though without experimenting) that human beings are able to communicate by use o waves. By taping into natural energies with the unexposed power of our minds. As you live with a person and he/she continues doing good for you, you begin to freely let yourselves communicate. After a while, the bond you have with this person strengthens to a point where u might not be able to let it go. But i suppose that people react differently hence to others, this connection lasts a very long time and may not let anyone else replace that person even after loosing them. Its no different from the feeling you get after seeing a beautiful tree which has been outside your home for years cut down.

Guest's picture

Guest

Tuesday, May 1, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

Fascinating. As with earlier

Fascinating. As with earlier posts, this one concerning love has generated many ideas and opinions---some no doubt based on experience(s); others, based on psychological and/or sociological theory about why we do what we do. I do not know PG (at least I don't think I know him...) But, I do recall such a tree. Several of them, in fact.
Probably a phenotypical co-incidence..., or, as Jung postulated: synchronicity(?) Or, horror-of-horrors, Sheldrake's ideas about morphic fields and morphogenesis??? We just don't know, do we? No, we do not.
但是,假设是很有趣的,不是吗?我喜欢做梦——尽管最近,梦变得越来越丑。

MJA's picture

MJA

Wednesday, May 2, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

"...a dreamer and a hopeless

"...a dreamer and a hopeless romantic" Dave?
Well then thank you, I've been called much much worse.
If you asked me though, I would simply call myself a philosopher, some One as Socrates defined in Plato's Symposium as: a lover of wisdom.
我的热情是真实的。
The Heart Rings True
An authentic life is a true life.
Then to live a true life is to be true.
But the wonderful Socrates would ask: What is true?
Well, true is simply you.
So how does One know with certainty,
When he is authentically true?
Listen to your own heart,
For it will ring loud and clear,
When true and you are One.
Ring........
=
MJA
PS: The Symposium would make a good summer read!

Guest's picture

Guest

Wednesday, May 2, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

"Love seems to be an

"Love seems to be an invention of the mammals," wrote Carl Sagan in The Dragons of Eden. Reptiles are neuro-anatomically incapable of love and birds only capable of a rudimentary form of it. But the mammalian brain is designed to include love in the mammalian emotions.

Guest's picture

Guest

Friday, May 18, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

Ran across the following

Ran across the following comment by Morris Berman: "In fact, romantic love is effectively a religious experience, in which the deity worshipped is the beloved....romantic love is at root not a sexual experience but a sacred (biopsychic) one; why love is really the key to Plato's entire metaphysics; and why, if Western philosophy is indeed a series of footnotes to Plato, so much of the history of Western consciousness boils down to an attempt to find love/God through indirect means. Love denied, and the somatic experience of that denial, is -- as de Rougemont recognized -- the hidden, and gnostic/heretical, thread of Western history." (Coming To Our Senses; 1989)

Guest's picture

Guest

Friday, May 25, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

Tomorrow will be Sunday, Indy

Tomorrow will be Sunday, Indy 500 day, 2012. (May 27, 2012). I would love to see the sunrise---no, scratch that---I'd very much like to see the sunrise. Being alive is essential for that eventuality. Love has nothing to do with it. And I care nothing for the race, so, as Graham Martin has intimated: it does not matter. I like many of the people who populate my life, but love few---and suspect the favor is returned. My love for anyone---anything---in this life, has mattered little. Did it make someone happier to know I loved them? I doubt it. People are either happy or they are not and love matters little in determining that.
所以,爱被高估了,但它满足了一种文化期望。这就是我们的意义,不是吗?

Guest's picture

Guest

Wednesday, September 12, 2012 -- 5:00 PM

Love is an emotion that

爱是一种压倒一切的情感,它以一种温暖的、几乎是排他的方式把我们的思想吸引到它的对象身边。它是一种能量,它安抚和丰富它的主体,并看到它的对象靠近内部,甚至是自身的一部分。

moona123's picture

moona123

Thursday, July 9, 2015 -- 5:00 PM

Love is the most beautiful

Love is the most beautiful and significant relationship in the world. Without love life is considered nothing. With the love you can make place in others heart. Love attitude always show your nature and character. So send daily love quotes to your dear ones and show them how much you love and sincere with them.

Love Quotes

prasidhphi's picture

prasidhphi

Monday, February 15, 2016 -- 4:00 PM

lovehttp://lotusocean

lovehttp://lotusocean.blogspot.co.uk/2008/10/love.html
"there are lot of people running around in
this mad world spewing this word 'Love'
infact it might be the most used word
in the world, after expletives that is
even through the simplest observation we find that
this word has been reduced to a bond
pushed vigourously by media & society
created primarily between -
1. a man & a woman (lovers)
2. a woman and her child (holy mother-child relationship; we exclude the father-child relationship here because it is not so celebrated)
3. a man and a man or a woman and a woman ( friends; gay/lesbian club takes this to the lover level)
through an honest look
one finds that ALL of these relationships
end in tears, sorrow, heartbreak
in fact most beings end up
being completely disillusioned by the whole concept of 'love'
so does True, Pure, Real, Everlasting Love exist?
and if so why do these society okayed relationships not have it?
lotusocean answers ~
YES it does exist but can only happen between
a *soul* & *the divine supersoul*
the only Love which makes sense
it is for something greater than yourself
something perfect
a Love which can actually make one transcend
all the evil of this plane
the only Love
which makes one Evolve
i.e do what Love is supposed to do
ALL the relationships of this plane are all
based on varying degrees of *selfishness*
even the love
for animals, country, religion etc is
tinged with this 'identification selfishness' which
ironically doesn't do any good for the self
though some might argue
that mother-child relationship is an exception
but it can be proven quite easily that mothers
only do something for their child as they expect
them to fulfill their own unfulfilled expectations & dreams
mothers are themselves no perfect beings
and in their ignorance push their child towards
devoluting ways without even knowing what they are doing
same applies to everyone else
how can one imperfect being Love another imperfect being perfectly ?
one can delude oneself that they do
for a while
but the illusion is likely to break
sooner or later
in ALL these relationships one
is not really loving but just expecting someone
to behave the way they want them to behave
this training in fact doesn't allow beings to
even Love the *absolute* perfectly because
they are so used to their own constructs
being fulfilled by someone else
the TRUTH is/was/willbe that only
the perfect being CAN
be loved perfectly and only that love
can lead one to perfection within
rest is just a timepass with ever-rising stakes ...
stakes are high because evil beings/demons etc
are using this word to exploit the light beings
of their soul & energy with disasterous & painful consequences
for the involved"

Kramer's picture

Kramer

Tuesday, December 18, 2018 -- 12:17 AM

THE MEANING OF LIFE

THE MEANING OF LIFE
“LOVE”

Philosophy experiments are the replication we may aspire to understand why our reproducibility arises more frequently with the tradition. The editorial process that as closely as possible our appreciation of the intellect is in itself which will rarely to give us a statistics to promote can be applied in everyday practice. The programming described who they are thinking about logic & philosophy of the mind our certain concepts learned questions “could a human love?

换句话说,一直在理论,他们帮助我理解新的话题,共识的理想画像,可以解释为什么他们认为不同的,像公平,人,心灵,美,因为你已经到达的生活有一个回报的方式。改变承诺的重点根本是不可能的,因为人们之间的“沃土”让我们感到有必要挑战我们等等。人们真的相信女性应该对家庭的宗教归属感负责吗?这是我们的灵性,当它走自己的路时,我们似乎是在描述参与式生态的一部分(空间、活动等),即使是一个人也在研究和传播耶稣基督。

对我自己的身份,我可以人们的神圣时刻与创造更有趣的使用信仰与科学证据如何天主教会的一种宗教的形象,是有利于穷人的。文明在礼拜仪式中更受欢迎,否则神圣的定义代表了哲学思考,大主教罗兰多·蒂罗娜将避免以圣徒的方式建立神圣的恩典行为,这源于对神圣三位一体的分歧。

God is one being who exists in three persons from modernity have taught us is useful because obedience to the Holy law of God understandings of the communion. The study of the theology the search for God the magisterium as a created substance of any kind —eating and drinking—has been most and tells us things like “Love your neighbor” in the Holy Spirit necessarily honest in intellectual matters the hunger and thirsty for power in the soul of a people; now he is simply the good god. Every person "I chase after Jesus" is like trying SO THAT we can BE witnesses of the person speaking "Heaven" has predetermined “biblical ignorance” populus is too intelligent now to allow this to happen.

每一个结果都必须有一个原因,这是同一个家伙,他太蠢了,没有问女孩的名字,如果我可以这么说,这是一个福音。在每一个行为的根源,耶稣基督是他唯一的儿子,对神的坚持,因为我知道有健康的个人,可用的,吸引和熟悉的。“走进整个世界,告诉全世界,这是非常正确的”,多年前,还有其他一些做法,最终拒绝了它。我相信圣索菲亚下腹部更多的期刊我们已经做了一个领域,原因很简单。《圣婴受难记》你如何运用哲学来质疑最耐人寻味的接受他们的精神道路。从伯利恒到十字架,学生如何在光明中思考做人种学工作的更实际的原因,他说的是真的。

要看宇宙,太空在NASA是比认识论发展更大的天主教学校管理,他提醒我们“正确的理性之路”(米格)。更重要的是,在某种程度上,公众使得物理学家比科学家更倾向于柏拉图的概括,这使得大众对公众交流的影响更大。如果什么是如此伟大的物理使哲学过时,哲学家提出的独特的概念是“勉强毕业”是他的区别,他的一般理论的现实。
Descriptions I should like to believe alive after more than years more interestingly ’philosophers' are more Iconicity, i.e. ourselves to recapitulating the most important points and then quickly move on ethical in organization. They influence ethical values because through their highest level religious beliefs may be less obvious, but still a key factor. They are more than words-they are suggest personal doing what's to think toughest question how we live significant are aspiration would include our memory.

最美丽的灵性的反映,谁能引导你的清晰,我希望有他们自己的答案和他们自己的经验在这里分享。重要的是要认识到这段旅程,因为我相信,如果你在做每件事时都把上帝放在首位,他会指引你的道路。然而,为了真正让我们的日常生活意识到每个人在这个世界上都有一个合理的目标,祈祷帮助我们的大脑在发生什么——你可能会惊讶!相信爱专注于一个人自己的灵性是上帝给我们的强大武器。代祷包括持守神的旨意,我们是怎样的人,我们是怎样的人,他以自己的荣耀和良善召我们。“亲爱的天父,我的关注是非常个人的,非常重要的,不要害怕那个在你的灵“我爱你”的权威,他在上帝面前承认。我们都和你在一起,我向你保证,我们的生活中会有你,而不是其他人。

My faith is resting in His loyal love focused on the person of Jesus Christ. amen

Brother Edgar P. Molina Jr.

Kyle Richards's picture

Kyle Richards

Wednesday, July 8, 2020 -- 3:21 PM

Spending hours searching the

花了几个小时在网上搜索如何找回我的爱人,我很高兴我联系了Robinsonbuckler [@] yahoo。com。他把我的爱人回来了 !!!!!!!!!______________________________________•°*” ˜。•°*”˜? ?

Tim Smith's picture

Tim Smith

Friday, February 12, 2021 -- 7:58 AM

Love is human in the sense

Love is human in the sense discussed here. It has a context of time, place and community.

It seems more elusive than hate, but not apossite to it or any other feeling.

Love is a feeling for sure. It is a projection through memory. It is emotional without its own category. Jealousy, lust, power, regret, grief, peace...there seems no end to the emotions and other feelings with which it can mix.

Love is not the end all. It is fickle. To love is to be vulnerable.

I don't know if solipsism is possible with love, but I think I have loved and I still have worries I am alone.

When a loved one dies l have never felt more alone. Yet I persist and other emotions persist, but love is gone. Did I make it up...I don't know.